a time to laugh

ernestanderson

Rev. E. Anderson

CHRISTMAS FUNNY

In kind mood as he questioned the prisoner: “What are you harged with?” he asked.

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s not a crime,” replied the judge. “How early were you doing this hopping?”

“Before the store opened.”

HEAVENLY FUNNY

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him, “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough,. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “You brought pavement?!?!”

today’sTHOT

If there was a Pessimist Award, I doubt if I could win it.

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ernest kitchen

Rev. E. Anderson

NOWHERE TO HIDE

“The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good” – Proverbs 15:3

Unlike the process in our justice system, God doesn’t need to gather evidence to come to a decision about our guilt or innocence in a given circumstance. He sees every action, and He even sees our hearts as we undertake those actions. Knowledge of this aspect of God’s character can be a source of great comfort or great fear.

Many passages in Scripture marvel at God’s omniscience—with particular emphasis on His all-seeing eyes. While they lead us to understand God’s nature bet­ter, they also give us a powerful incentive for righteous conduct.

For example, 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, “The eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” Likewise, David remarks that God examines the sons of men. As a result, He rains down fiery coals and sends a hot wind to the wicked, but upright men see His face (Psalm 11:4—7). And Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Because God sees everything, He will strengthen us in our devotion, pun­ish the wicked, allow the upright to see His face, and one day demand an account of our actions.

But perhaps the most eloquent and well-known commentary on God’s omnis­cience is Psalm 139, in which David ends with a plea for God to search his heart and his life because nothing is hidden from Him (w. 23-24). This reveals yet one more facet to God’s penetrating vision: He sees what we are blind to in ourselves. So even if we think we’re doing right, acting with integrity, and treating our fellow human beings justly, there may be pockets of offensiveness that we won’t—or can’t—acknowledge.

It’s easy to look at our lives and become self-satisfied. We don’t steal or lie; we don’t cheat on our spouses; we’re faithful and consistent in our work. What would happen if, like David, we asked God to test us and reveal our shortcomings—all of them? The result for most of us would probably not be pleasant. But only by rid­ding ourselves of those offensive ways will we be able to commit to Him fully.

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a message from the late david wilkerson

david_wilkerson

Rev. David Wilkerson  

THE UNPROFITABLE SERVANT

The “unprofitable servant” is the one who “hid” his talent. Too lazy to invest his life and time in God’s interests, he became “slothful” in the things of God. This was the busy man or woman who came to God’s house once a week to maintain a semblance of religion.

Here is what the Lord will say of haphazard, halfhearted service to Him:

“Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not. . . . Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with [interest]. . . . Cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 25:26-27, 30).

What weeping and wailing there will be when the unprofitable servant’s book is opened. The Judge will show the world how much time and effort he spent making money, seeking personal security, building up bank accounts, fretting, ignoring family, forgetting God and forsaking the assembly of believers.

On that day God will bring forth the record of every neglected church meeting, every lazy and self-centered activity. Then, right before this servant’s eyes will appear everything he spent his lifetime accumulating: houses, cars, furnishings, boats, clothes, jewelry, stocks and bonds.

A spark from the Judge’s eye will ignite everything like a hydrogen meltdown. An angel will be standing before the Judge and his hands will hold a mound of dust. The Lord will turn to the unprofitable one and say, “This is what your lifetime of business amounted to. I needed you and called you, but you neglected Me. You gave Me so little of your time until finally you pushed Me out of your life completely. You wasted your life for a handful of dust. You were warned that it would all burn as grass in an oven!”

Oh, what regret there will be on that day for one who has no time for God now! He attends the obligatory Sunday morning service with his wife and children because it is “the American way.” But he has no heart for God!

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