Time for a Laugh

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                                     Rev. E. Anderson

MISINTREPRETATIONS OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS

When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door, I could hear them say, “Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”

When I was a child, I learned this prayer as “Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name.” I always thought that was God’s real name.

My son, who is in nursery school, said, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”

When my husband was 6 years old, he thought a certain prayer was “He suffered under a bunch of violets.” The real words were “under Pontius Pilate,” but at that age, he didn’t know better. To this day, we still snicker in church whenever that prayer is read.

I was a little girl when we sang a song in Sunday school about Noah. Part of the chorus was “And the rains came down, and the floods came up.” We lived next door to a couple of charming little girls who always sang this song while playing in their garden. Their words were, “And the rains came down, and the spuds came up.”

When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, “What does the priest say when he gives you the bread?”

Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock years later when he learned that the priest doesn’t say, “Be quiet until you get to your seat.”

Young husband: “Why can’t you make bread like my mother does?”

Young bride: “Why can’t you make dough like my father does?”

today’sTHOT

I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

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Points to Ponder

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                                   Rev. E. Anderson

A CHRISTIAN?

 

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he had arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself Then he thought, ‘Oh, forget it, it’s only a quarter. ‘You’d better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.’ Who would worry about this little amount?  Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a ‘gift from God’ and keep quiet. 

When hi stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, ‘Here, you gave me too much change’.

The driver with a smile, replied, ‘Aren’t you the new preacher in town?’

‘Yes’ he replied.

‘Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship, I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I’ll see you at church on Sunday’.

When the preacher stepped off the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, ‘Oh God. I am almost sold your Son for a quarter’.

Our lives are the only Bible some people who will ever read. This is an example of how much people watch us as Christians, and will put us to the test! Always be on your guard and remember – You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself a Christian.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

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Childrens Page

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                                  Rev. E. Anderson

THE LITTLE SWEETHEARTS

The Rev. Robert Telfer, one-time Congregational minister at Springburn, Glasgow a genial. kindly man whose whimsical Scottish humour and balanced judgment marked him as one of the most reliable of men, related the following story to me during my stay in his hospitable home. He knew the little sweethearts, and could vouch for the truthfulness of the account.

One of the aggressive Scottish churches felt an urge to evangelize its locality, and with great deliberation planned q Gospel crusade. A well-known speaker accepted their invitation to lead the effort, and excitement ran high in the district as the special meetings drew nearer. Press advertisements and street posters announced to all and sundry that the campaign was to be held, and everyone was invited to hear the preacher. The church was well filled for the initial meetings, and Christians prayed earnestly that through the medium of the evangelist a surge of new life would reach the city. Nightly the minister expounded the fundamentals of the faith, and at the conclusion of every service souls were urged to trust the Saviour.

Yet typical Scottish reticence predominated and while none full deny the charm of the evangelist, the fact remained that no visible result followed his preaching. The people attended the meetings, but persistently refused to confess publicly their faith in Chist.

When the first half of the crusade had been completed without one indication of conversion, the church officers were most disappointed; they feared lest the meetings should be a complete failure. Yet the more ardent workers expected a break during the closing services, led consoled themselves by saying that all missions were difficult at the beginning. The preacher also realised the necessity of overcoming the conservativeness of the stolid listeners, and to the best of his ability preached and prayed for the desired results. When the last service arrived, not one soul had responded to the challenge of Christ, and it feared that the entire effort had been fruitless. At the conclusion of the final meeting the desperate missioner made his appeal and urged anxious souls to go to the vestry, where the way of salvation would be fully explained. Once again there was no response until a small boy came from his seat and with hesitant steps slowly walked up the aisle. Then a small girl followed her hero and made her way in the same direction. One of the older folk spoke to them, but apart from these youthful responses, no other person professed faith in the Saviour. The campaign closed, and everyone went away disappointed. The hard work, the lavish advertising, and a great deal of money had been wasted! Not a convert had been gained-except two insignificant children, who did not realize the meaning of their actions!

What a shame it was that the organizers of those social services were unable to read the future! Had they possessed the ability of Old Testament seers, their despondency would have in turned to joy.  The childlike surrenders on that final night of the crusade were deliberate and sincere. and were destined to have repercussions in many lives. The boy and girl went to school together, they studied together, and in post-school days their comradeship was maintained. They grew up together, worshipped and prayed and played together, and ultimately, as was fully expected, they married.

I remember the serenity which shone in my friend’s eyes as he said, “It is not so very long since they were back in Scotland thrilling the hearts of great audiences with the account of how they had been the first white missionaries to reach certain unevangelized tribes of Red Indians in the forests of Amazonia. They volunteered for service on the mission field, and their united efforts brought the story of redeeming love to thousands of primitive people”.

“Little is much when God is in it”. This striking story should enable every reader to understand why the Lord Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not for of such is be Kingdom of heaven”.

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