Rev. E. Anderson
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.
1. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
3. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygen and Hydrogen. Oxygen is pure gin. Hydrogen is water and gin.
5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
6. Litter: A nest of young puppies.
7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
10. The pistol of the flower is its only protection against insects.
11. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
12. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
13. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the heart until the heart stops.
14. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
15. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
16. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
17. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
One day on the way home from church a little girl turned to her mother and said, “Mommy, the preacher’s sermon this morning confused me.”
The mother said, “Oh! Why is that?
The girl replied, “Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?”
“Yes, that’s true,” the mother replied.
“He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?”
Again the mother replied, “Yes.”
“Well,” said the girl. “If God is bigger than us and he lives in us, wouldn’t He show through?”
FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and
Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case
against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The
argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge After listening to the passionate
presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, “Case
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your honour,
How can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas,
Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my
client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client,
counsel, is woefully ignorant.”
The lawyer said, “Your Honour, we are unaware of any special observance or
holiday for atheists.”
The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1
states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, it is the
opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is
a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.”
You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
Every evening I turn my troubles over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway.