Rev. E. Anderson GOOD OBSERVATION The Great Lakes Laboratory employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. Reportedly, the captain couldn't swim. A newcomer, learning of this, approached him about it. "Is it true?" the newcomer asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," the captain replied. "Can pilots fly?" SAY IT WITH FLOWERS – HOW MANY? The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order. When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life. The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife." The young man bought a dozen roses. Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going? Makes perfectly good sense to me....
This is a hoot, but I suspect the minister didn’t appreciate it..
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, ’If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river..’
With even greater emphasis he said, ’And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, ’And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, ‘For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’
Smile, life is too short not to!
If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the Cheer.
See you at the river!
‘The Price Of Gas In France’
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
After careful planning, he got passed security,
stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime yet make such an obvious error, he replied,
‘Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.’
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.
“What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered.
He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed this warning :
“There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr. Mouse,
I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me.
I cannot be bothered by it.”
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the house!
There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The pig sympathized, but said, “I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.”
The mouse turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said, ‘Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap. . .. Alone. . ..
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house — the sound Of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did no see it. It was a venomous snake whose tail was caught in the trap..
The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital. When she returned home she still had a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup.
So the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient: But his wife’s sickness continued. Friends and neighbours came to sit with her around the clock.
To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. But, alas, the farmer’s wife did not get well… She died.
So many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. And the mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and you think it doesn’t concern you, remember — When one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life.. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another..